Monday, September 5, 2011

Stupid dubs and edits, the life I dread


I have bit of an issue here. I wanna take you back to a little known game called Super Chinese 2 for the Famicom. It was a really great RPG title that if you had nothing better to do for the day, you could beat it in one sitting. It was nice, because I was shy of the turn based sequence, and this was action based. So, I really had no gripes about it. Even the music was just too awesome to describe. Even in an 8-bit form, you couldn't help but tap your feet to some of it. It was everything an 8-bit game was suppose to be. Now, it was Americas turn to try it out. The original Super Chinese never was released here, so it was dubbed "Little (or 'Lil") Ninja Bros. for the NES. Back when I was still seven years old, I could have cared less about what from what, but when I got a hold of the Famicom cartridge just a few years ago, I was tearing up and sides hurting from the laughter I endured seeing how heavily modified it was for the U.S. release. Right down to the playable characters, a LOT was modified. About 80% of the enemies were modified, but they looked cleaner looking, so I can't complain much. But seeing as the heroes now sport some "hip" Chinese headband was hilarious. Some of the NPC's and story characters were modified or taken out completely. And even a tiger sporting a Buddhists symbol, which we know it better as the Nazi insignia was taken out.





And this is where my issue comes in.

Now, I didn't play a lot of games like I do now way back when, so I really didn't run into the whole "dubbing" games a lot. However, I watched a lot of shows that came from everyone favorite little production group: 4-Kids Entertainment. Oh, how they ruined my childhood. There was so much editing in all their shows, it made you wonder if Japan was a taboo for people ages 13 and below. And it wasn't anything special either! From Yu-Gi-Oh! yeah, okay, I can see that maybe people talking about murder and borderline satanic rituals were a little too much for children. But did they ever stop to think maybe this was more appropriate for people around 15 or so?? If so, that would've been great to see it being aired next to Inuyasha. 

And Pokemon. Ho, ho... there is so much to say about this one. Ironically enough, the show debuted here right after Japan started re-airing the show after an eight month hiatus from the episode that threw a lot of kids into the hospital. 
For starters; 4-Kids does not believe in rice balls. So, they replace them as a sandwich.
4-Kids does not believe in a colorful world full of different skin colors, so every episode that had Jynx in it was automatically banned. 
4-Kids does not endorse any kind of sexual preferences at all, so one episode of James cross dressing and fondling his breast was banned.
All Japanese names are considered evil, so 4-Kids change names from Satoshi to Ash, or Kasumi to Misty.
4-Kids does not encourage you to love,
4-Kids does not believe guns should exist,
4-Kids finds Gods to be a wasted dream.
4-Kids even doesn't believe in getting sick . . . EVER. So, they banned an episode where Brock looked like he had polio. What the hell??? Isn't that like a dead disease hardly anyone gets anymore??

So, in all of this, what does 4-Kids believe in? 4-Kids believes in your money and you bowing down to them. Isn't that just great?! Probably the reason why the company is finally going bankrupt.

But enough about them. Believe me, someone has probably already written a book about their failed lives that could even rival War & Peace in length. Let's talk about Nintendo for a second. Nintendo in modern times is strictly notorious for hiring hobos who have NO acting skills, dub the game, and release it with no Japanese dialog. Do you know how grading it is to listen to nails on a chalkboard for 20 hours or so?? I think one of the new Persona games had just that. Back in the day, there were only slight alterations to the game, like crosses/all religious references, blood, and its finest 8/16-bit glory nudity. Hell yeah, I always got turned on by something I could barely make out without squinting.

But the you got Super Mario Bros. 2. The game was deemed too hard, so they made Super Mario U.S.A. which is still an embarrassment to this day. Mind you, its still amusing and slightly entertaining, but really.

Rockman 2 was deemed too hard, and when it was released as Mega Man 2, they gave you the "Easy" option to play.
Super Mario Bros. 3 was deemed too hard, and allow you to shrink to Super Mario, instead of shrinking all the way down.
Final Fantasy II, III, and V were never released properly here in the States, and III to this day has never had an original release.
Castlevania was deemed WAY too hard, and Japan got an "Easy" mode.... wait, what? >.<
And, of course, the NES had a limited amount of channels on its hardware, so some songs like Zelda, Zelda II, Metroid, Castlevainia II, and Castlevania III were really watered down.
And just for fun, Capcom's original Resident Evil for the Playstation had a few gore scenes deleted, and a CIGARETTE. Oh, no. What ever will we do if we saw a game character smoking? Well actually, it was an actual person smoking, but that's besides the point. Oh, and the real life and voice acting was just as bad, if not, one of the worst.

Let's take PangYa! as another example. Or, I'm sorry, its called "PanYa!" because apparently the GM's can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact there's a friggen G in the title. So, when the voice clubs came to Japan, it was awesome. They hired grade-A actors that did shows like Kanon, Yu-Gi-Oh! Bleach, Code Gayass, and so on. So, when it was our turn to get they clubs, THEY HIRED THEMSELVES. I'm not sure if Killgrew or Juki did the voice for the girls (or both.) But they FAILED. They have no acting talents whatsoever, and they should be slapped with a fish for embarrassing the community and themselves. Slight modifications in the game include planks added on a couple holes on Lost Seaways. (You know, the ones you can hit max with a 1W, and only move a couple yards?) And the fact that the cannons are still firing all the same for all the lovely calcs out there to cheat on at Silvia Cannon. That's about it other than being ripped off everyday at Gacha or whatever, but that's sales modifications, not the actual game.

The point is (before I go all night writing this) America hates Japan. There's no other explanation behind this. If they didn't edit anything out, then the dubbing is one of the worst, and vice versa. America will continue to destroy some of these perfect games/shows, and do it all in the name of Benjamin Franklin. Any opinion or argument you may have is instantly nulled, because they have millions of dollars, and your nothing more than just a Big Mac wrapper ready to be thrown away once they have no use for you. Kind of like Wal-Mart, eh? The only thing I can tell you is just to support the original releases, and continue to be a bloody gaijin. Because dammit, Japan rocks, and we need more companies to go bankrupt, so that one day, we may witness the perfect Japan release. Can it happen? Eh... probable, but not possible, but one man can dream~

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